Taylor is officially 11-what the heck? We once again celebrated in style at the beach-our family ritual since Clay has a conference there every year. As I was looking at our photos, I stumbled on some oldies but goldies from when she was little. And I had to stifle tears because I so vividly remember those crazy blonde curls, those dimpled cheeks, the Winnie the Pooh bathing suit (naturally).
When did this…
I’m very nostalgic this birthday for some odd reason. It’s not the first double digits one-certainly not the TEEN one. And yet I feel the invisible threads tying her to me slowly giving way (as well they should). I want to grab them and hold on a little while longer. Selfish I know-but true. My little butterfly is prepping her wings. Getting ready for camp (oy! here we go again) Trying out her new cell phone. (Yes, we finally joined the club). Helping with the little kids during VBS instead of rotating through the activities. GULP. My kids’ birthdays are FAR more important than my own now-go figure after turning the dreaded 4-0 (which incidentally wasn’t as big a deal as I thought it would be but that might have been because I got a wicked awesome surprise party out of it!)
Is this my midlife crisis? (Clearly not-that would be me deciding to start running). I’ve never had trouble envisioning my kids as kids, but I’ve never allowed myself to go beyond that point. Imagining Taylor driving or getting the horse she desperately craves. Nope, I don’t think about it. SATs and AP exams, prom and colleges–yep, totally off the radar. I live in DenialLand because it keeps me insulated from reality. Hello, have we met? I’m the mom who will be devastated when the kids don’t want to go to DisneyWorld! I won’t be able to take it!
So Happy Birthday to my Ray of Sunshine, my Princess Pruney Toes, my Brown Eyed Girl. Just remember that I loved you first, moon and stars far, far away, whole world full!